Taking a Sick Day

Cohen called in sick this morning.

He made the call at about 1 am.
I picked him up for a snuggle
and he promptly puked in my hair
and down my chest.
As I opened my mouth to scream for Ryan
He puked again
This time it splashed across my face
and into my mouth.


I guess I will allow him
to use one of his 5 allotted sick days today
After all
a 103* fever
Lime green snot
A hacking cough
Ear infections (bulging so the doctor says) in both ears
and puking in his mom's mouth
is evidence enough that he really is sick.
He even has a doctors note to prove it.


I think I am going to enforce the policy
of no two sick days in a row at our house.
Starting tomorrow.
The Boss doesn't know
if she can keep the company running
if her attendance is constantly down for the count.

(Besides, its just too sad to see the little man feeling so under the weather!)

You know what today is right?

Preschool Valentines Party Day of course!


Hence the red sweatshirt and the bag o' goodies

Ryan (a.k.a. the best husband and dad on the planet)

Sat down with Caden and helped him craft his signature
on all 25 Spiderman 3D Valentines in the box
No easy task.



When I picked him up he had his bag proudly clutched in both hands
and announced to me that his friends gave him candy
and even some girls too.

I asked him if the big pink one was from his girlfriend
and with the most disgusted sigh
and an eye roll
"No mom, that's from my teacher, Mrs. Tonya,
she's not a girl, she's a teacher."
"I think she's a girl too."
"Oh, but not my girlfriend, that's gross."

You just go on thinking that girlfriends are gross for 16 more years Caden.
You can save yourself some major money on Valentines that way
That is fine with me.

Wanna Get Your Butt Kicked?

See this thing?
It looks harmless right?
It will kick your trash!

Don't believe me?

So we all know I am a chub a lub
these past few years I can't even say that
I was trying too hard Not to be one.
Sure, who doesn't want to look waif slim and beautiful
(See all of my tiny sister in laws, and several of my tiny friends.)
But I for some laughable reason
thought that it would just go away someday
and I would magically return to normal.
Ha...ha ha...ha ha ha ha.

Well I just can't take it anymore.
I can't.
SO...
I decided to use the gym membership
that I have been paying for since June.
Starting January 2nd I started going every day,
well, 5 or 6 days a week.
Starting two weeks ago,
My hubby, who is not chubby, has started coming along.
Sara, our trainer, works with both of us.

So its not like I am hot
or have lost a million pounds
but I can now feel the muscles firming up under the chub.
I was starting to have a little more confidence in my abilities
(remember "Fat Girl Got Skills" from several posts ago?)

Then I met the stairmaster stairmill.
Its like the eternal escalator from hell.
I can eliptical and burn some major calories
I can do the bike (not my favorite) for an hour
I can jog a mean 2 miles on the treadmill
without too much difficulty
Not pleasant, but doable.

After 2 minutes on this baby
I was blowing steam
and my legs were cramping
from hip to toe.

By 5 minutes, I was POURING sweat
No dainty perspiration or "glowing" here.
Red faced, dripping from my chin.

By 7 minutes, I warned Ryan
that I was quitting at 10.
And I am not a workout quitter.

I was turning to the side and going up sideways
so that different muscles would take the brutal assault.
My chest was heaving for breath
and I was draped over the hand rails.

By 12 minutes Ryan was chanting don't quit don't quit
and counting down the minutes in 30 second intervals.
8 minutes left, 7.5 mintues left, 7 minutes left
Don't quit, don't quit, don't quit.

He was doing it too
on the stairmill right next to me.
He was sweating a little and huffing and puffing a little
This means that it is super hard.
He burns 350 calories on an eliptical in thirty minutes.
And doesn't sweat.
That is hard.
He even admitted that it hurt really bad.
And he kept trucking.

By 14 minutes I was truly afraid
that at any minute my tripping feet were going to miss
and I was going to end up in a pile at the bottom.
I could barely see the countdown for all the sweat that was burning
as it ran in streams into my eyes.

I made it to 20 minutes. Barely.
and forget the cool down.
I just rode the moving stairs to the bottom and
found the nearest bench.

Not that they will ever read it
but I need to apologize to all of the buff men
that I thought were going girly
when I walked by them on the stairmaster.
My true respesct and admiration they have won.

Don't take my word for it
Go and try it for yourself
None of those pedal stairmasters,
that is not the same (I have done those too, so I know!).

I think I have found my measuring stick.
When I can do the stairmill for 30 minutes
without looking and acting pathetic,
then I will know that I am getting somewhere.

I'll have Ryan take pictures of my victory dance.

How Lucky Are We?

The Pink Eye Fairy Came to Our House this morning


We are so thrilled with this experience

I am especially happy at this moment
that my kids share everything
So that they could all get it at once.
In both eyes
(this is new since these pictures were taken this morning)

And my kids love to have eye drops put in their eyes.
They don't scream or kick or hit
So that I have to sit on them and pry their eyes open.



I have spent the entire day cursing

1.the nursery at church
2.the daycare at the gym
3. the preschool

and using and most of a bottle of hand sanitizer


and half a container of Clorox wipes.

I have also spent the entire day
wishing blessings on the pediatrician
(no sarcasm here!)
who very kindly called in the prescription for the eye drops


instead of making me haul this whole snotty crying crew
into the office so that I could pay $25 dollars per kid
just to tell me that they have pink eye.
Bless you Nurse Samantha,
and Dr. Wilcox,
Bless you.

Girlfriend's Got It Going ON!

This is how Cory (Holly's Husband and Brynley's Dad)
Delivered the Brynney Babe
To my house today.



First of all,
Its February.
Which means, ITS COLD OUTSIDE!

But whatever, Spaghetti straps it is.
Cory says he barely won the hard fought battle
to get the black coat on her arms,
BUT NO ZIPPAGE
That would cover the gown



We are going to the gym promptly at 5.
Evidently Snow White is going with us.


Notice the care and precision
with which her silver ballet flats are placed,
on the wrong feet.

Don't they just add that little something extra?


Brynley also worked hard on this hair,
so I thought it only fair to give it a little shout out as well.

She's working on volume right now,
and we're experimenting with height, especially in the back


And seriously,
What is a girls ensemble without the bag?
Adds a nice touch to the yellow, red and blue nightgown
and the silver shoes
Don't you think?

Holly and Cory assured me that she was not dressed this way this morning,
but that the fashion show evolved throughout the day
And DIVA B would have it no other way.

Watch out Heidi Klum
Bryn is starting her own runway project.

The Breakdown of a Good Jump in the Pool

First you must strategize
Which entry will be the most aesthetically pleasing?
Which will show off my talent to the highest degree?
Which will make a huge splash and get the camera lady wet?

The posing before take off is very important.
This is art, right?

Finally, the main event
See the splash pattern?
The form?
The audience gave 10's
and shrieks of approval.
(or maybe shrieks of outrage, as they were doused.)

Grumpy Boy Gets a Haircut

Cohen was looking like a woolly mammoth.
So I decided to cut his hair.

He loved it.

Can't you tell?

If he doesn't like something he starts screeching
OW, Ow, Owie, Ow

until I stop.

There is no way it is real pain,
because the second he saw Diego on the TV
in the reflection of the mirror,
he was perfectly fine.

(This is especially fun during church on Sunday when I am trying to get him to sit still and be quiet.
Evidently sitting still is painful, because it induces the chorus of Owies.)

We made it to the end of the haircut with no casualties
And

I survived with my patience barely intact.

A pretty cute boy was hiding under that hair.

(Don't worry, this was not the final outcome,
Just the moment he saw Diego and quit crying.)
(And then I wiped the huge Bogey and he started crying again)

Crazy About Aprons

The world (well at least Utah) has gone crazy over aprons.
So I jumped right on the wagon.
Only I am super cheap.
So there was NO WAY I was paying $40
for a flirty apron at the mall.

I called up my partners in crime
(AKA Holly and Caitlin)

And we started picking out fabric.



We found this simple pattern that looked really flattering
And really comfy
But still really Cute.

And we got hooked.

Caitlin doesn't have so much sewing experience
But since she is so beautiful, and so darn skinny

We recruited her to be the model in the pictures.

She also bakes like nobody's business,
so she supplied us with snacks.

Holly is the Creative Genius in the operation,
and is the master Fabric picker outer.

She also made the pattern for the little girl apron.


(See? Genius?)



I tried to catch up.
And Somehow,
they became my aprons?
But they are not so much mine,
A complete collaborative effort.
But fun, and hopefully,
people like them.


Do you want one?
I'll make one for you.
Leave me a comment.
Let me know what you like.
I think $24 is going to be the price.
Sound fair?
I have been trying to think of a way to make them cheaper
But the cuter the fabric, the more expensive it is
Let me know your opinion.

Apron shop link coming soon.

An Ode to Punxsutawney Phil

"Alles Gute Zum Murmeltiertag"

If you aren't up on your German

That's Happy Groundhog's Day


If you truly celebrate Groundhog Day
Like it should be truly celebrated,
Then you know that Punxsutawney Phil
Saw his shadow today.

Don't you wish you were part of this prestigious group?
(evidently he whispered the prediction to Bill Cooper,
a town elder of Punxsutawney,
Who speaks Groundhogese)
(Not making this up folks, got it from www.groundhog.org)



And did you know,
Since 1887, Phil has seen his shadow 97 times,
hasn't seen it 15 times,
and there are no records for 9 years,
(How could this fall by the wayside?)
according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club.




It has been a long standing tradition in my family
To celebrate this day by having a traditional meal

Groundhog Dogs
The Jones Family makes a mean hot dog
We were taught from the cradle how to truly enjoy a "dog"

(there was a really cute picture of Holly eating a hot dog here
but she hated it so I had to delete it. But believe me, it was cute.)

And then we enjoy,
(in high def this year,)

The Classic Bill Murray tribute
to the groundhog.


I would like to think that most of you out there
recognized this special day in a similar manner.
Why should Phil be left out of the spotlight on his special day?

I wish I had a special day.


I wonder how people would celebrate me?
With Black Tie mouse Cake from Olive Garden
A Big Drink of Dr. Pepper?
Now that would be a good day.

How to Look Awesome Part 2

Dear fans,

My mom says everyone
LOVED my post from last Sunday.
Showcasing my use of make up
So I thought I would enlighten you again.


See this hair?
This didn't come naturally.
I worked on it all night.




In order to achieve this height
and level of tangling
You must sleep face down in your pillow
and occasionally rub your forehead back and forth
into your pillowcase.
(Hint: this also adds to the static that make it stand straight up)
You should also probably scream
really loud
when your mom tries to comb it out.
After all, you were working it, Right?

Questions?
Once again, you can always comment
and my mom will read it to me.
I should be able to supply you with more pictures
another morning this week.

XOXO
Kenna

Yeah, Fat girl got skills.

So today,
my new trainer,
yes,
his sales technique worked like a charm
on chubby old me,
kicked my butt.

He is this super muscly really cute guy from California
that DELIGHTED in making me do ten more.
Then ten more.
I DELIGHTED when he tripped on a yoga mat and fell
on his very well shaped butt
in front of the entire cardio kick boxing room
full of skinny women,
while getting a medicine ball to further torture me.
Ha. Karma is a Bi*** isn't it?

Anyway.
He swears that it is possible to for me to loose
fifty pounds
by August.
If Baron swears it, I should believe it right?
Well if the condition of my jello legs after 30 minutes proves it,
then hello to the new me.
You won't even know me I will be so hot.

I am laughing so hard as I am writing this
that I am almost falling out of the chair.
Me hot?
Me believe muscle man Baron?
We shall see.

He did reaffirm my belief in planks however.
I hate them, but I like to think that someday
when I have buns of steal,
and no fat rolls on my back,
and washboard abs,
(I am laughing hysterically again)
that I will love them then,
for the beauty that they have revealed.

Baron did make me feel slightly better about my extreme out of shapedness
when he said that i was actually stronger and better at his torture devices
than he thought I would be.
To that I say
Yeah, fat girl got skills.

Plus, Ryan says he will take me back to Hawaii if I lose 50 pounds.
He should never have offered.
You do not even know how serious I am about that.
When my knees were going week and my arms were quivering,
I was visualizing me,
and my hot bod in Hawaii.

I WILL PREVAIL!

A favorite quote comes to mind.
I think it is going to be my Mantra. Its a church hymn.

DO what is right, be faithful and fearless
Onward, press onward, the goal is in sight.

Faithful and fearless, the goal is in sight.
Is that sacrilegious to use a church hymn that way?
Whatever.
Inspiration!

This Chunky Dunker is goin' dippin' in the skinny pool.
Just watch me.



To actually watch me and to get inspiration for yourself,
you should go to my sisters newly created blog.
www.flabulousfromflabtofab.blogspot.com.
She has great tips and I comment there a lot about my progress.
If you leave tips and ideas she will use them in posts.

Sentencing Postponed

So today was supposed to be the sentencing of

one

David Lester Ragsdale

For killing his wife,

one

Kristy Koreen Palizzi Ragsdale

The funny thing is


He conveniently became too sick
to attend his own sentencing.

(Really it was not funny.
I canceled plans with pals,
dragged Holly out of bed,
made my husband babysit,
rearranged my schedule,
and drove thirty minutes)


I learned this
when I saw the
yellow sticky note
on the elevator door
at the court house
Professional huh?

Ragsdale
Postponed
10:30 am
tomorrow

Frustration and anger.
David Ragsdale is STILL ruining people's day
from his jail cell.
Where apparently he has been violently ill
for the past 10 days.
He probably ate soap.

Have we learned nothing people?
He is a liar and manipulator
He has anxiety issues.
People with anxiety
often have severe stomach upset
when anxious.
Would being locked in an 8x12 concrete cell
for the rest of the foreseeable future
give you anxiety?
Yeah.
It would.

He's not ever gonna feel better.
He shouldn't
His kids won't ever feel better about being orphaned
His neighbors are not going to forget being traumatized.
I won't forget loosing a friend.
God won't forget his choice to take a life.
Satan won't either.

You made the choice mister,
get on with the consequence
so the rest of us
can get on with our lives.

Like Kristy's mom said when I talked to her today.
Give him some depends and a barf bag
and lead him in.

I don't ever want to devote another day to thinking about
(cursing about really)
one
David Lester Ragsdale