Little Eyes Upon You

While reading with Caden
(Kindergarten Homework)


We came upon this poem.

Little Eyes Upon You
by Edgar Guest

There are little eyes upon you
And they're watching night and day.
There are little ears that quickly
Take in every word you say.
There are little hands all eager
To do anything you do,
And a little boy who's dreaming
Of the day he'll be like you.

You're the little fellow's idol,
You're the wisest of the wise.
In his little mind about you
No suspicions ever rise.
He believes in you devoutly,
Holds that all you say and do
He will say and do, in your way,
When he's grown up just like you.

Typing it just now
it gave me shivers.

I feel the need to memorize it
and repeat it
and repeat it
and repeat it
to myself


so that I never forget
Never Never Forget
that they are watching,
they are learning,
they are taking in,
they are growing up


and the person they are watching
is me
and the person that they are imitating
is me
and the person that they turn to for comfort and safety
is me
and the person responsible for teaching them right from wrong
and love and kindness and patience
is me.


I need to
give more hugs
whisper more "I love you" secrets in little ears
tickle more tummies
use a quieter voice
be a better example of hard work
show them how to be grateful.

Help them to know that they are loved
by me
and their Daddy
and their Heavenly Father.

There are little eyes upon me.

It was good to be reminded.
So good to be inspired.

Now to get to work.

Be Faithful and Fearless- The Integrity Project Part 3

Its overcast today


I can't hang laundry on the line

I have a sore throat
and a pounding head.

My kids cannot seem
to get along and be happy.

I have to work at 7 am
for the next 3 mornings in a row.

I was thinking about this post all morning

not feeling it.

Then I hopped over
to my friend Jamie's Blog
Her post today was so lovely.
So heartbreaking and beautiful,
and the
epitome of faithful and fearless.

Thank you Jamie for the inspiration

It made me think a lot.

A LOT

About devastation,
dashed hopes,
unrealized dreams,
reaching for the unreachable,
about how it seems
that just when I am crawling out of the hole
a huge wave crashes that washes me right back in.

When I am having a hard time,
this seems so overwhelming.

I think this is when being faithful comes in.

faithful- keeping faith; maintaining allegiance; constant; loyal faithful friends marked by or showing a strong sense of duty or responsibility; accurate; reliable
(as found on yourdictionary.com)

I love
all the aspects of this definition.

Being faithful doesn't mean being perfect,
its means keeping faith
it means finding your responsibilities and duties
and being constant in them

It means, that you keep going (you maintain allegiance)
when it all seems like a little too much.

It means having hope
when the world seems bleak,
that tomorrow will have beauty in it
even if the heartbreak is there right beside it.


So this brings me to the fearless part.
Once again,
I love this definition

fearless-not faltering or hesitating because of fear or discouragement;
undismayed; intrepid.

It says no where in there,
that when you are fearless
there is no fear or discouragement
it just says you don't falter because of it.

There will be hard things in my life

sometimes its a headache and grumpy children
sometimes its wondering
if its really worth the hassle and heartache.
Sometimes its just feeling too tired
to attempt to change what I am doing
even when I know I could be doing better.

But if I want to claim
being faithful and fearless,
then that means I have to keep moving,
I need to remain devoted
I need to keep moving towards what is right.
Even when I am daunted.

I need to keep reaching for
a greater love
a greater understanding
a greater knowledge.

I need to

"Do what is right
Be faithful and fearless."

Now to put it into practice.
The hard part.


P.S.
I just finished this post
and with a resolve to move forward
I find a quiet house
(this kids are playing Batman, Robin, and Kitty Girl together)
the Tylenol has finally kicked in
and the sky now looks like this.

all within about 45 minutes.

Talk about faith inspiring.

Do what is right - The Integrity Project Part 2

So in my quest to not avoid my life
I have avoided my blog.

great.


Evidently I am having a hard time
escaping avoidance.

but for today,

I keep humming this hymn from church.
My favorite verse goes like this

Do what is right
Be faithful and fearless
Onward, Press Onward
The Goal is in sight.

I often have a hard time with this,
I am ashamed to admit,
with all of it,
So I think this verse is going to be
my theme for the week.

The do what is right,
doesn't seem hard,
I don't cheat or steal, or lie
but sometimes,
Doing what is right,
conflicts with doing what I want to do
and there lies the rub.

Sometimes
I want to lay on the couch and read a book
not get up and pick up the toys
and put the laundry away
Some days
I don't care
if there are sinks full of dishes
or aprons to be made.
Somedays
I don't care
if my kids are in pajamas all day
and there are four bedrooms to be tidied.

Those days I feel like my soul looks like this
Cluttered, Overwhelmed, A little rusty.

But I made my life what it is.

I chose it.
I chose to be a mom.
I chose to be at home with my kids.
I chose to start a little business.

Doing what is right,
means doing all the things
that come along with my choices
it means Choice and Accountability,
it means
I need to buck up and be accountable

No justifying a way out of the responsibility
that comes with the choices I made.

So today,
Today I will make all the beds.
Today I will hug my children,
and try to teach them to do what is right,
and why it is so important.
I will do the dishes,
and I will try to remember

That I know what is right,

and I will try to keep in mind the reason
that I am trying so hard to do what is right.

Scrubbing toilets isn't fun,
But when I am doing what I know is right
when I am being responsible
with the gifts that God has given me,
my spirit feels it,
and happiness and peace settle.
No matter what the chore is.


That's the goal.

When do you feel the most connected to your spirit?

Am I the only one that avoids
and then feels unsatisfied?


Stay tuned,
tomorrow is

Be faithful and fearless.

The Integrity Project

Hello

Avoidance
and
Justification


its
yours truly

Your Queen
your friend
your constant companion

I call upon your services more than most
and I have to say
I'm a master at using you both.

And why shouldn't I be.
Practice makes perfect,
right?

For half my life
I have been using one or the other of you
because you seemed to make it easier.

And just when I would start to think
that I could exile you,
Avoidance
and just get down to it,
justification would sweep right in
and make it all look better,
make it not such a big deal.

You need an example?

My house is always a mess.
Ask people who have been here.
Its the truth.

Some days
it is SO messy,
that I don't know where to start,
and I feel overwhelmed,
and then my ever faithful servant
Avoidance
comes along,
and says,
you'll never even make a dent,
focus on something else,
paint a bookshelf instead,
and then when I think, no,
YOU MUST DO IT,
my other friend Justification steps up
and tells me that
the kids would just make it messy again anyway,

and that I have been meaning to paint for a long time anyway,

And husband left his socks out,
so shouldn't he have to pick them up?
Right?

and off I go to paint the bookshelf.
and my house is still a mess.
and i am happy that the bookshelf rocks,
and I tell myself who cares if my house is a mess
my bookshelf is a masterpiece.

But lets get down to it.
I care.

I care that I am the
chubby
messy
sloppy
always late
irresponsible one.

Even if people say
that's not how they see me,
that's how I feel
when I am being honest,
and not using my two favorite allies mentioned above.

I care that people who come over
assume that my house will be a mess
and are pleasantly surprised when its not.

I hate that people assume that I will be late
and are shocked beyond measure
when I occasionally show up on time.

I don't like that I weigh more than I should.

I don't like myself when I justify
what I am doing wrong
because I am avoiding doing whats right.

So here I begin

On my journey to banish
avoidance and justification.

On my quest to find peace
responsibility, joy, fulfillment, integrity,
respect, enlightenment,

and lets be honest,
(remember, that's the name of this game),
a thinner, healthier body,
and a clean, and peaceful home

In other words,
the true self that I know God created me to be.

Care to take the challenge?
What have you avoided?
What are you waiting til "someday" to do?
What is your favorite thing to justify?
What are you doing in your life to make it better
To live with more integrity and inner peace?

Share! Inspire me!
I need it!
I'll going to try to post more
you know, the whole accountability thing,
I would love to hear it.

Meanwhile, wish me luck,
this is not a little project,
and I feel daunted already.

Off to clean my house.
and make lunch for my little ones
and
I'm going to turn the music up really loud
and pretend that I like cleaning
Maybe that will help.