Thursday, March 26, 2009

Inspiration

Do you ever feel inspired?

You read a little note,
You are reading some one's blog,
You are sharing a chat with a friend,

And suddenly, something just rings true for you,
your heart sighs a little,
or speeds up
because the pieces of the scattered puzzle just came together,
and you are Excited!
Or peace just moves through you like swirling water,
slow and calming and comforting.

There have been several moments for me like that this week.
And I'm not going to lie, I needed the boost.

I got up early to go to work,
and after getting the kids from Holly,
instead of putting them down for naps
I turned on some random cartoon
and snuggled with my kids on the couch.
We all fell asleep.
All of us, in this big messy pile.

I stress about not working as much (smaller paychecks)
and I stress that as a mother I am not doing enough.

Today I felt good enough.
I felt snuggled, and needed, and important, and warm.
I felt in my soul
instead of just knowing in my head,
How sacred my mission is,
as I held my sleeping children.

When I got my children from Holly today,
I caught sight of Princess B.
Who took a header on the concrete yesterday.
Her poor face is all scraped up.
My heart hurt for her hurt,
and I realized how lucky I am to have her.
She isn't mine, but I kind of consider her mine,
Part of the crew, one of my gang,
an addition to the family.
More daughter than niece.
The girl has puked on me and peed on my carpet
about as often as my own children have.
I feel like I have the right to claim her.
I am blessed to know this little girl.
Her life and health are a miracle.
I have witnessed miracles, because I know her.
Thank you Holly for sharing.

I have great sisters.
More like best friends than sisters.
We are so alike, but very very different.
My sisters are smart women.
Rachel just did a lesson in church on self reliance.
She referenced this talk by James E Talmage.
I liked the quote at the end

"Sometimes our desires to become independent
and more self reliant are so strong
that we begin to act negatively
toward any kind of authority over us."

Reading this was one of those moments
mentioned at the beginning.
I don't generally see myself as acting negatively towards God,
but,
Sometimes I am trying too hard to do everything right,
and everything by myself,
to prove something,
to someone, or everyone,
that I forget,
that I am not alone,
I don't have to do it myself,
it doesn't have to be perfect,
I just have to do the best I can.
I often feel like stomping my feet in frustration
when I feel like things just aren't going right.
I don't often stop to recall if I asked for help,
Did I ask Heavenly Father for things to go differently?
or ask for guidance?
Or did I just get mad when it wasn't my way.
I need to remember the divine purpose I have here on earth.
And live my life according to that.
Not according to the pressure I feel
to be perfect and independent.

Then I was reading my Dad's Blog.
He talked about a funeral he attended.
How the family of the deceased woman was fighting,
and seemed bitter,
and not united.
To this my dad said,

"It is my fondest desire that all are to be found busily engaged in the value laden work of teaching the gospel in their homes and living it to the best of their ability. One’s family is similar to the parable of the talents. To your mother and I were given children; the worth of which was great. Our task was to multiply that which had been given. The measure of success is found in the extent to which each life is lived in keeping with the commandments and ordinances of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.When one is laid in one’s casket it is too late to consider what should have been done along the way. Each day presents a new vista of opportunity to do well and be good."

Am I multiplying the talents that I was given?
Is this evident in the way that I choose to live my life?
In the way that I am teaching and molding the lives of my children?
Am I choosing every day to do what is right, to do well, and be good?

Because I can choose that.
I can.
What a mind altering thought.
It clicked.
It inspired me.
It helped me make better choices.

My step mom Becky wrote me a note about 3 years ago,
right before I had Kenna.
Its on a pink post it note, stuck on my fridge.
Every time I read it I am uplifted.
The last couple of lines say


"Be sure and tell yourself what a great job you are doing.
Being a mother, working in and out of the home,
a wife, and a sister in the gospel.
You simply must be fair to yourself
for all the good you add to this world."


Are you fair to yourself?
Amidst the stress and guilt,
do you give yourself credit for the good that you add to this world?

I need to frame this little post it note.
Because it has altered my mood
and made me feel validated and appreciated
weekly, and sometimes daily, since she sent it to me.
It inspires me to live up to her belief in me
and my goodness.

The funny thing is,
since I have started thinking
about all these things that inspire me,
I keep remembering more and more things that I love,
that are important,
that make me happy,
that make me whole.

What inspires you this week?
Spring? Sunshine? Laughter? Love? Kids?

I think if I could narrow all these words down to one,
my inspiration this week would be
Choices.
I can choose.
My actions, my reactions, my words, my deeds.
I need to get to work on those choices.

9 comments:

Ruthykins said...

well, if you were trying to make us all cry, you succeeded. in spades.

Kasi said...

this post inspired me. Thank you, it was JUST what I needed.

Duane & Shavonica said...

Wow Andi, that was amazing. Thank you for sharing and helping us humble our hearts!

Bernie and Doll said...

Andi You amaze me! Such strenth, elegance and grace! YOU inspire me! ILOVEYOU! ThankYou for loving my miracle baby even though she pees on your floor! She Loves you too! She wakes up everyday and asks if she gets to go to Nana's house! She loves being with You, Ryan, and your kids! THANK YOU MY BFFL!

Randi said...

Although I am not a mom yet, I constantly feel like I am not doing enough, around the house, career wise, or... We DO need to notice the good we do... thank you! I think we are all more apt to be down on ourselves right now...we all needed to hear that!

ann said...

We as moms, sisters, grandmothers, (What ever we are at the moment!) Need to remember this!
Sometimes just the smile on everyones faces as we sit down together at the dinner table, Makes me feel happy! I love what I do! Somtimes it is hard to do it everyday!

I need to remember this! Can I put this up on my fridge?

GREAT POST!

Emily said...

WOW!!! Andi you inspire me so much! Thank you for that post!

ambyr said...

thanks girl....I needed that....very much needed.:) You're an amazing woman!! and a great writer..maybe you should write books!

TwinkleBee said...

What great thoughts. Thanks for the collection of them in your post. You were inspired. i miss you. I wish I could be around your goodness and strength more often. sigh... someday. p.s. that book thing is a good idea :) Get writing!