Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Wanna Get Your Butt Kicked?

See this thing?
It looks harmless right?
It will kick your trash!

Don't believe me?

So we all know I am a chub a lub
these past few years I can't even say that
I was trying too hard Not to be one.
Sure, who doesn't want to look waif slim and beautiful
(See all of my tiny sister in laws, and several of my tiny friends.)
But I for some laughable reason
thought that it would just go away someday
and I would magically return to normal.
Ha...ha ha...ha ha ha ha.

Well I just can't take it anymore.
I can't.
I decided to use the gym membership
that I have been paying for since June.
Starting January 2nd I started going every day,
well, 5 or 6 days a week.
Starting two weeks ago,
My hubby, who is not chubby, has started coming along.
Sara, our trainer, works with both of us.

So its not like I am hot
or have lost a million pounds
but I can now feel the muscles firming up under the chub.
I was starting to have a little more confidence in my abilities
(remember "Fat Girl Got Skills" from several posts ago?)

Then I met the stairmaster stairmill.
Its like the eternal escalator from hell.
I can eliptical and burn some major calories
I can do the bike (not my favorite) for an hour
I can jog a mean 2 miles on the treadmill
without too much difficulty
Not pleasant, but doable.

After 2 minutes on this baby
I was blowing steam
and my legs were cramping
from hip to toe.

By 5 minutes, I was POURING sweat
No dainty perspiration or "glowing" here.
Red faced, dripping from my chin.

By 7 minutes, I warned Ryan
that I was quitting at 10.
And I am not a workout quitter.

I was turning to the side and going up sideways
so that different muscles would take the brutal assault.
My chest was heaving for breath
and I was draped over the hand rails.

By 12 minutes Ryan was chanting don't quit don't quit
and counting down the minutes in 30 second intervals.
8 minutes left, 7.5 mintues left, 7 minutes left
Don't quit, don't quit, don't quit.

He was doing it too
on the stairmill right next to me.
He was sweating a little and huffing and puffing a little
This means that it is super hard.
He burns 350 calories on an eliptical in thirty minutes.
And doesn't sweat.
That is hard.
He even admitted that it hurt really bad.
And he kept trucking.

By 14 minutes I was truly afraid
that at any minute my tripping feet were going to miss
and I was going to end up in a pile at the bottom.
I could barely see the countdown for all the sweat that was burning
as it ran in streams into my eyes.

I made it to 20 minutes. Barely.
and forget the cool down.
I just rode the moving stairs to the bottom and
found the nearest bench.

Not that they will ever read it
but I need to apologize to all of the buff men
that I thought were going girly
when I walked by them on the stairmaster.
My true respesct and admiration they have won.

Don't take my word for it
Go and try it for yourself
None of those pedal stairmasters,
that is not the same (I have done those too, so I know!).

I think I have found my measuring stick.
When I can do the stairmill for 30 minutes
without looking and acting pathetic,
then I will know that I am getting somewhere.

I'll have Ryan take pictures of my victory dance.


Ruthykins said...

i tried that once. never again.

TwinkleBee said...

oh i love it! I can picture it all, I just wish I could have been sitting on the bench watching haha, you're so entertaining, mind you I am not lessening the pain and hard work cause hats off to you girlfriend, those things are hard. So hard that I avoid them. My measuring stick is those spinning classes. when I can make it through a whole class at the full speed instead of falling halfway off or stoping for air, or quitting halfway through, I too will know I'm making major progress. I would kill to have you live closer for a workout partner! I need the encouragement.

Bernie and Doll said...

you crack me up!

ambyr said...

oh my word girl!!! I can't help but laugh at your posts!!!! Freaking hilarious! And I LOVEd your comment on my blog!!! I literally laughed so hard, mark came in and asked what all the fuss was about!! keep it up andi!!

Steve said...

Ok, you had me cracking up on this post!!! We've all been there!

Megan said...

I forgot I was logged in under my husband's account. That last comment was from me!

Kristi said...

I am super, super, super impresed. I thought I was doing awesome building up my time on the eliptical and treadmill and then I tried the stair step and barely made it. I can't imagine doing that beast. You go girl. :)

TwinkleBee said...

so i walked past this machine this weekend, and chuckled as a I thought of you. I'm afraid to get on it, I don't want to be bucked off so I eyeball it from afar, still working up the guts... :)