Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Kristy Koreen Palizzi Ragsdale

January 6
Was my friend Kristy's Birthday.
The big 31
Happy Birthday Kristy.

It was also the one year anniversary of her death.

It was too close to my heart yesterday to talk about it
or write about it much.

That was a hard day.
A horrible, nasty, hard day.
I hated it.
The only glimmer or goodness in it
was the fact that my other best friends
in the world
came with me
when I went to her house
to make sure it was true.
Thank you Ryan, and Caitlin, and Holly, and Sandra
For loving me enough
to hold me up

It sucked.

Kristy's mom.
What an Elect Lady.
She hugged me and held me
and told me that it was true.
And told me that she loved me
and that Kristy loved me.
And that I saw her flaws and her warts,
not just her beauty and wit,
and I loved her anyway.
And that I was special because of that.

That was the perfect thing to say
Because all the sudden
I was afraid that I hadn't been
A good enough friend
A close enough supporter
A big enough heart.
But I loved her.
I do.
I miss her.

Her husband David shot her in her church parking lot
as she was walking in to church.
On her birthday
13 times
Anne was 6 feet away.
A dad with two little boys was not much further than that.
Other families not much further from them.
The first shot killed her.
But he continued to shoot
Even after she fell
Face down
In the snow.

I figure its a good thing that I believe in
the complete and total justice and judgment of God.
Because then I can just think
that no matter what happens here on earth,
He's got it coming in a big way
once he reaches that judgment seat.

He looked nasty at his preliminary hearing,
like a saggy, empty shell of the man he had once been.
I guess being filled with Satan,
and then being abandoned,
will do that to you.
I shudder to think to about how much damage
that much evil
can do to you.

The power of Satan is real
I am so glad that I know that.
The Mercy and Love of Jesus Christ
and the power of the Atonement are real too.
I can live forever and see my Friend,
And my mother,
again someday.

I live my life, and I love my life,
and I can be happy in this life

Because I know that.
Kristy knew that too.

I pray for her two little boys,
now five and two and a half
and I miss them coming over to play,

both before
(Caden and Brandon at the Dinosaur museum, Kristy and Carter in the background)

and after Kristy died.
(Caden and Brandon playing with Ryan)

We went to visit Kristy's grave today.

Caden wanted to get out and come too.
He wanted to see Kristy.
I had to explain that her body was there buried deep
But that her heart and her spirit lived
with Heavenly Father
in Heaven.

I had done pretty well up until this point
and then Caden asked
"Well, are you going to say something to her?"
before I could reply he said
"You should tell her that you miss her and that you wish she could come back."
The tears started then.
I do miss her.
I do wish she could come back.

He saw I was crying and patted my hand and told me it was okay.
I asked if he wanted to sing her a song.
(Kristy loved to sing and loved music)
He nodded and when I asked him what song
he said decisively "Jingle Bells"
I started to laugh.
Kristy would have LOVED that!
She would have snorted while she was laughing
and LOVED it.
So Caden and I stood there up to our knees in the snow
Singing Jingle Bells
For Kristy.

This is the link to Kristy's Memory Blog. Friends and Family have posted stories and letters and pictures. There are hits by the thousands from literally ALL over the world. She knew tons of people and was so crazy and funny that EVERYONE who met her remembered her and could tell a story about her.


Kim Luck said...

Wow I am so sorry Andi. I do not even know what that is like to lose a close friend. I am sure it is hard even though you know you will see her again. You seem to be strong though.

Erickson Family said...

My heart goes out to everyone that is grieving for this beautiful spirit, especially to you! I love that you blog so diligently now...I have been pretty lame in that department. 5 kids is H~A~R~D work! I love it though. This is going to sound weird, but I long to be close to you guys. I think about you guys there in UT often. Maybe it's cuz I was stranded on an island for all that time and feel like I've missed out on something! LOL I miss you guys!

BBB said...

I looked on my calendar that day and I had written that it was her Birthday. I thought of you, along with thinking about her. :(