Day by Day, Hour by hour, minute by minute

My house is a wreck.


its always a wreck,
but not usually this bad.

Three days ago it was immaculate,
but it just can't seem to recover from Cohen's Party.


And today, the couch cushions almost sent me over the edge.
Do anybody else's kids do this?
Is it just mine?
Every dang time I turn around
all the pillows and cushions are off the couch.
"You can't jump as good with them all on there,"
I have been informed by Caden.
"They fall over and then you can't go as high."
Oh, right.



Two minutes.
My efforts never last more than two minutes.
My house is never clean all at the same time.
If the downstairs is clean,
the upstairs is wrecked
because I made the kids go up there while I cleaned downstairs
and vice versa.

I pick the dang cushions up 50 million times a day.
I carry armloads of toys upstairs 30 million times a day.


I say put your clothes on 20 million times a day.


I have a headache from thinking of how messy my house is.
I think I might go lay on the pile of pillows on the floor
Not to take a nap mind you,
because the second I dozed off
my kids would start jumping on my head.
I'm going to lay there
Just to avoid for one more hour
The mess that is my life.



P.S. Right before I posted this Ryan got home from work.
In his hand he had a box of cookies from Dippidee, the dessert place.
MMmmm...I love him.



P.P.S.-right after that Holly got here to pick up Bryn,
in her hand she had a fountain Dr. Pepper.
FOR ME.
MMmmm... I love her

See, no more complaining.
My life isn't so bad.
How could it be with Dippidee and Dr. Pepper
all within minutes of each other.

I'm still going to go lay on the pillows though.

Yeah, thats right, He's Turning 2!

The Cokester, the CoCo chub, the Chubba, the Coco butter

AKA my baby.

Turned 2 today.

He's been saying he is two for weeks.

"How old are you Cohen?"

"I tee-u"
Well today its official.

How does a 2 year old spend his special day?
(Mostly without pants on... but beyond that.)

He watches a few cartoons

He insists on helping to make his own birthday cake

He cheeses a few for me.

He blows out the candle.

He eats cupcake.

He opens a few presents.

Then he plays and plays and plays
to his little hearts content
(he only freaks out a few times because other kids are touching his new toys.)
Its his birthday right?
I am firm believer
in the belief that you can be a little bit selfish on your birthday
After all, it is all about you, right?

MOM, Mom,mom, mo, mmm.....

I should turn on the TV guide channel every night.
It worked its magic in way less time than
the Backyardigans did.
Two minutes of
"I'm coming to turn on the show in a minute, be patient."
and they were out for the count.
So bored that they fell asleep.
You better believe that I am using this trick again
now that I know how effective it is.

slacker

my abs hurt today
So I don't think I can post.
or I'm just feeling lazy
and my abs hurt.
so tomorrow.
maybe

Validation

I was talking to Ryan today on the phone
(He calls me to chat sometimes, I love it.)
and telling him about my battles with the cable company
who has been overcharging me by $100 for 6 months.

I love talking to him about stuff like that
because he is always properly outraged on my behalf.
Its nice to have someone that always takes your side,
even if it is something as simple
as Walgreens overcharging me $2 for diapers.
Its $2 right?
And he always says right.

He's perfect for me really,
because I don't need someone to fix it for me
(I can ream out the cable man all on my own.)
I just need some one to reiterate
that they also think that it was an outrageous mistake.
I need validation.
He's a great validator.

I'm chubby, and messy, and sometimes lazy,
but he loves me.
I have not made a dent in the chubbiness with all of my working out
But he goes with me everyday to the gym.
Every day.
and tells me everyday
how proud he is of me for going and working so hard.
See? Great Validation skills.

and when we were getting off the phone today
I said "I love you"
and he said "I love you back."
and that made me so happy.
He validated my love for him.


He made cupcakes with my silicone pans
and chocolate gnash to pour over the top.
And thus validated me spending so much money on the silly pans.
Could my life get any better?
Well, I could be skinny,
but he loves me when I am chubby,
so probably not.

My kids? Are we sure those were my kids?

I had to miss church today because I had my CNA class.
I was bummed about it.
And then Ryan texted me
and told me that they got there so early
that they got to sit in the padded seats.
(this hardly ever happens!)
So then I was even more jealous.

and today
today
Caden and Kenna were picked to be the reverent children
who stand up front with their arms folded
before the meeting starts.
My children.

I don't know if they have been reverent a day in their lives.
Especially not in Sacrament Meeting.
They think whispering is repeating it, just not at a yell.


He said they were darling,
and perfectly quiet
and reverent
as they stood up there with their arms folded.
And I missed it!


He took pictures after church to document the occasion!


Sometimes I wonder if I am the worst mom on the planet
or if my kids are just rowdy and loud and naughty around me.
Because it seems like mine are the only ones
that run through Costco and hide in the racks.
Or lay on the floor and refuse to get up at Target
or have hair that constantly looks unbrushed and wild.
Or have stains on their shirts.


I brush their hair people.
I change their clothes.
I wash their faces.
They just head plow into the couch
and spill every dang thing they touch.
Usually on me and them and the carpet.


Friday Cohen ran out of the Doctors office ahead of me
the other two followed.
and by the time I got out the door
They were stuck between floors in the elevator.
Screaming their heads off.
Evidently Cohen pushed all the buttons and it stopped.
So here I am standing outside the elevator
screaming at the top of my lungs
trying to get Caden to push the 2
While he is screaming that he is stuck
and Cohen and Kenna are just screaming
because everyone else is screaming.
Caden finally pushed the 2 and the elevator doors opened.
The emergency operator is yelling over the speaker,
Caden is still crying, and Cohen is clapping his hands
excited about the whole thing evidently.
I yelled that we were fine and hung it up
got everyone back in the elevator
and forbid them from touching any buttons.


Caden is still wailing
"Mom I was stuck and you didn't come get me."
to which I replied
"Who was screaming at you to push the 2?"
I wanted to say
"what on earth possessed you to get on the dang elevator without me
in the 5 whole seconds that I couldn't see you
because all of you were running out the door?"
But I figured that wouldn't help the hysterics.
So I grabbed hands and headed for the car
See? this doesn't happen to other people.

But today,
today
my kids were the reverent kids.
And I missed it.

Oh I wish i was an...

Oscar Meyer Wiener!

Do you know how cool this is?
Do you know how lucky I am?

How many of you have seen the wiener mobile in person?
Huh?
How many?


I thought it was an urban myth or something.
Nope.
Totally real
and
Totally Cool.


Thank you to my dad for instilling in me
a love of Oscar Meyer beef franks
and for teaching me all the words to the song
so that they could be stuck in my head for the rest of the day
after I was so lucky as to see this awesome sight.


You guys are jealous.
You know you are.

While the Mom's Away, the Kids WILL Play

Mom has her CNA Classes this weekend.
All day Saturday
And all day Sunday


You know what that means right?


Party with Dad.


You wanna come?


You have to dance like this if you do.


Don't be shy- We'll teach you all the good moves.


She never has to know.

Spinning aka Self Imposed Torture

Today was my first official spin class
(Monday was the intro class)


I didn't fall off
I didn't pass out
I didn't throw up
I didn't cut my shins open with an out of control pedal
I don't think my butt bones are permanently damaged
(but that remains to be seen)

I did managed to make it out the door.

Thats about all the good news I can think of.

Try it sometime and let me know what your successes are.

They are messing with the wrong chick

Two different groups of people attempted to scam me today.

TWO! IN ONE DAY!

What is this world coming to?

At 10:30 I got a text on my cell phone
It said your debit card has been deactivated for security reasons.
Call this number to reactivate it.

No people, I am not stupid, I didn't buy it for a second.
I was just curious what it would say.

It was a recording asking to enter my card number and press #
and then enter my pin number and press #

Are you kidding me?

I immediately called my bank and they apologized and said that they had nothing to do with it and it was happening all over and for all different banks.

One more time,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Then, just as I am starting to simmer down from the fury of the first rip off


I get this letter in the mail from
American Direct Promotions INC
Saying that I had won a sweepstakes that I was entered into
simply by shopping at local stores and using my Visa.
Sounds fishy huh?

Also in the letter is a check.
A real check.
Called my bank and checked it out.
A real check.


For a fraction of the total amount.
This check I was supposed to deposit.
Then when it cleared I was supposed to wire a portion of it to some company
to cover taxes and fees.
Once this was done they would send me a certified check for the rest of the amount.

I called the company from the letter.
They had Indian accents,
and at the risk of sounding prejudice and rude,
I immediately knew something was up.
They confirmed the story and said that they were a second party company
hired to dispense winnings for the main lottery company.
They explained to me again what they wanted me to do and assured me it was legit.

I turned to the handy dandy google search and found this
Ripoff Report.com

I called my bank and they also thought it was a scam.
They said that the money would be put into my account, then I would use it
and then the check would be returned and it would be my own money that was lost.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Who could do this? Who could rip off innocent people?
I didn't fall for it, but you know that there are people out there that will!

I called that dirty rotten nasty man in Canada right back
and let him know exactly what I thought of him.
I assure you that swear words were involved.
I told him I was reporting him and his company
to local authorities, and to whom it may concern in Canada.

When I paused in my tirade he said
"Ma'am? are you finished?"
I spluttered a little and he continued
"Good, then have a nice day."
and hung up

He didn't even deny it.
I can't even think of a word bad enough to describe how I feel about people like that.

You want to call him and tell him that he is despicable? Please do!
Annoy the crap out of him.
1-778-858-0420 or 1-604-716-0703

Don't fall for it
Don't do it
Tell all of you friends and loved ones not to do it.
It is too good to be true.

I am calling Get Gephardt at my local news station.

Like I said

They are messing with the wrong chick!

Some girl is gonna snatch him right up.

My sister-in-law Amy and I
Did a swap day.
She watched my kids for 4 glorious hours in the AM
and I watched hers for some in the PM.

I didn't really know what to do with myself.
So I put on my new boots.
(I will definitely post on their sweetness)
and my new shirt
and grabbed my new purse
and was off to explore
all the little shops that I can't ever explore
when I have three kids with me
and then Costco and WalMart.
It was even more fabulous than I could have imagined.

Near the end of my liberation
I stopped to get Caden from school.

He walked out
looked me up and down
and said,
"Wow mom, you look really pretty."
and then
"I like your new purse."

I snatched him right up in the parking lot
and kissed his face.
How could I not?
What a little man.
That 10 seconds was better than the whole morning
of wandering aimlessly.
MMmmm...
my little mommy heart warms every time I think of it.

I still had 45 minutes of freedom left
so I took that little man out to lunch
because he noticed my new purse,
and he told me I was pretty.

He deserved that cookie that came with his lunch!

Handi Andi goes to school

Ugh.

So I have worked at
New Haven Residential Treatment Center
for hmmm...
At the end of this month it will be 7 years.


6 of those years I worked full time.
5 of them as a Residential Supervisor.


After Cohen was born I just couldn't do it anymore.
Neither could Holly who went from babysitting baby Caden
to babysitting Caden, Kenna, Cohen,
(and taking care of her own child, Princess B)

I hung up my supervisor hat
and went on call.


This means I had no set schedule,
and I could pick up shifts when I wanted.
This was lovely.
My kids thought so too.
They were being shuffled from one place to another most of the week.

I also started helping out the nursing department
They said that if I got my CNA I could transfer over
from Residential to Nursing.
This meant amazing hours and a little less stressful work.

Those of you who really know me are probably laughing their heads off right now.
I don't do blood and guts and cuts and catheters, etc, etc.
Yuck, just don't do it.

But I really love the other nurses,
and the nursing director, Megan


She and I have worked together for lots of years.
And she is a really good friend.

How could I pass this up?
I couldn't.
So I did some internet research and found this.


And the best part was that they offered weekend classes.
(9 hours a day but done in two and a half weekends.)

The stupid part was I hadn't been to school in 7 years.
I have a bachelors from BYU
and I was nervous to go to a class that you don't even have to graduate
from high school to qualify for.


I packed my backpack the night before.
Two pens, two pencils
A spiral notebook
A highlighter
Some healthy snacks
some not healthy snacks.
Two bottles of water.
I even laid out my outfit.
Yep, I'm a nerd.

I was terrified that I was going to be the class joke.
Ryan thought this was funny.
He thought I was kidding.
I wasn't.
I have a healthy fear of failing.
Never failed a class in my life.
Before my senior year at BYU I had never even gotten a C
EVER.

I went to bed early
and triple checked my alarm.
Went over and over the directions.
I got there 15 minutes early and watched my classmates trickle in.
Some were in pajamas.
Half of them didn't even bring a pen with them.
Some put their heads down on their desk and immediately went to sleep.


There was the hippy lady who kept telling us about her naked natural childbirth
Then the janitor in the ER who kept telling us all the "cases" she worked on.
The engaged couple sitting in front of me
who kept kissing and rubbing each others thighs.
The girl who took care of her 83 yr old Grandma and kept saying how she
was so constipated that her poop was like rocks.
The 18 year old that talked and whispered to her neighbors the WHOLE time.
I wanted to throw one of my two pencils at her.
Or bang my head against the wall.

I may be one of the few sane people in my class.
And one of the maybe 5 out of 40 who payed any attention.

We'll see how next weekend goes.