Friday, August 14, 2009

The Integrity Project



yours truly

Your Queen
your friend
your constant companion

I call upon your services more than most
and I have to say
I'm a master at using you both.

And why shouldn't I be.
Practice makes perfect,

For half my life
I have been using one or the other of you
because you seemed to make it easier.

And just when I would start to think
that I could exile you,
and just get down to it,
justification would sweep right in
and make it all look better,

make it not such a big deal.

You need an example?

My house is always a mess.
Ask people who have been here.
Its the truth.

Some days
it is SO messy,
that I don't know where to start,
and I feel overwhelmed,
and then my ever faithful servant
comes along,
and says,
you'll never even make a dent,
focus on something else,
paint a bookshelf instead,
and then when I think, no,
my other friend Justification steps up
and tells me that
the kids would just make it messy again anyway,

and that I have been meaning to paint for a long time anyway,

And husband left his socks out,
so shouldn't he have to pick them up?

and off I go to paint the bookshelf.
and my house is still a mess.
and i am happy that the bookshelf rocks,
and I tell myself who cares if my house is a mess
my bookshelf is a masterpiece.

But lets get down to it.
I care.

I care that I am the
always late
irresponsible one.

Even if people say
that's not how they see me,
that's how I feel
when I am being honest,
and not using my two favorite allies mentioned above.

I care that people who come over
assume that my house will be a mess
and are pleasantly surprised when its not.

I hate that people assume that I will be late
and are shocked beyond measure
when I occasionally show up on time.

I don't like that I weigh more than I should.

I don't like myself when I justify
what I am doing wrong
because I am avoiding doing whats right.

So here I begin

On my journey to banish
avoidance and justification.

On my quest to find peace
responsibility, joy, fulfillment, integrity,
respect, enlightenment,

and lets be honest,
(remember, that's the name of this game),
a thinner, healthier body,
and a clean, and peaceful home

In other words,
the true self that I know God created me to be.

Care to take the challenge?
What have you avoided?
What are you waiting til "someday" to do?
What is your favorite thing to justify?
What are you doing in your life to make it better
To live with more integrity and inner peace?

Share! Inspire me!
I need it!

I'll going to try to post more
you know, the whole accountability thing,
I would love to hear it.

Meanwhile, wish me luck,
this is not a little project,
and I feel daunted already.

Off to clean my house.
and make lunch for my little ones
I'm going to turn the music up really loud
and pretend that I like cleaning

Maybe that will help.


Kasi said...

Oh my gosh, I know exactly what you mean! I am the worst about my weight. I think I will just gain it back, or Kevin loves me how I am, why does it matter, I can be okay the way I look. But the truth is I HATE it. I do the same things with projects I need to complete, financial goals, and certain areas of my house. I hate it. So motivate me Handi Andi! I need it!

Lacey said...

I just thought I would tell you that over the last few days I have read your ENTIRE blog. And I loved every bit of it. It's hilarious! You're so clever, I don't where you come up with this stuff. My mom says you get that from your mom. I laughed, I cried (so did she when I told her about a few things, like your dad staying up late to make ginger bread men... so sweet)SO fun to have a way to see how you're doing! :) And congrats on the 30 lbs! amazing it's tough to lose weight, just keep a positive attitude. Love you! Keep the fun posts comin!

Erickson Family said...

SoOo ME! In my head, my house is always clean and then I see the look on someone's face that comes over. Hmmmm...guess I shoulda put those smelly breakfast dishes from YESTERDAY into the dishwasher, huh? No. Wait. the dishwasher is already full of CLEAN dishes and the sink is overflowing with dirty ones. Example...last week I ran the dishwasher 3 (THREE) times in one day to get rid of all the dishes that had piled up!!!

I've missed your blog. I haven't been on the blog scene since the kids have been on summer break. I can see that I have missed a whole lot. Especially from you =>